By John Robert
Opinion Columnist

Density. Density. Density. We’re told this is the byword of the new environmentalism. It really means: Crowding. More crowding. Overcrowding. Trouble is, the environment that density proponents claim to speak for can’t hack it.

Big money, big development, big piggies are oh-so-cleverly greenwashing their big greed by telling us a big night-night story. Go to sleep, affordable-housing advocates. Plenty of developers are willing to pat you on the head then get a waiver from City Council. Go to sleep, public transit folks. Surely those California and New York investors are eager to pitch in for a subway down Broadway. Sleep tight, homeless people. Nighty-night, open-space lovers. Pleasant dreams, council critters. Rest well, bikers. Our horn-blaring friends come at us on much safer streets now, right? Breathe deep, all ye who yearn to breathe free the sweet fumes of density.

The dark investors picking our plums, choking our streets, sardine-packing our neighborhoods, stealing our highways, blocking our FasTracks, over-burdening our resources and defiling our views have your peaceful slumber in their hearts.

Even sleepyheads notice the snarled and snarling traffic. But even worse crowding nightmares loom underground. Our water and sewer pipes are leaking, breaking under the strain. Ever heard a density proponent call for developers or co-ops to pay extra for their burden?

Views of the Flatirons, the foothills and Indian Peaks belong to all of us. Views of hulking cereal box buildings belong to Ambien pushers who want us fast asleep so we won’t notice that their only green initiative is to increase the density of green wads in their pockets.

Wake up! Our environment-crushing overpopulation must slow down. Remember Will Toor and John Tayer thrusting their fists in the air to celebrate how dense they are. Vote for a council that will stop those fists full of dollars.